Writer's Block

I haven't had any ideas to write about. And it seems every writer or blogger suffers from a lack of enthusiasm or interest every now and then. Then there are days when you're just gushing with ideas you can't stop typing.

By chance I had been reading Bag of Bones, which I bought a few months back at a second-hand bookstore together with Whiteout. Having bought and read other books after, I had forgotten about it and left it gathering dust in my book shelf. Over the weekend I was looking at my bookshelf to see what I could do away with. Mostly I had old computer magazines that I could donate somewhere. My wife had already taken a few of the magazines and donated them to one of my son's therapists. I noticed Bag of Bones, stared at it for a moment and took it off the shelf. I started reading and after a few pages came to a discovery of sorts.

The story starts off with the main character saying goodbye to his wife, tragically not knowing it would be for the last time. Mike Noonan, a novelist, had suffered loss that will impair his writing for years to come. His wife had died suddenly of an aneurysm. He found out later that his wife was pregnant when she died. It was a tragedy in itself, as they had been trying to conceive for years with no success. He had suffered a writer's block after turning in his last piece of work, a half-finished novel at the time of his wife's death. Still, he was able to turn in a novel for each of the next three years. He revealed a trick he had discovered during his writing career. He had created 3 extra novels in-between his other works. And since he only submitted one per year to his publisher, he had these works stored in a safety deposit box just in case. Well, it came to be that he did need it. For three years after his wife died, he had submitted a finished novel to appease his agent and his publisher. The fourth year was the killer, he longer had a reserve and he still couldn't find it in him to write again. So the story continues from there.

That got me thinking. I mean that sounds like a logical way to regularly have something to post on your blog. If you're aiming to have an article a day, you can actually set aside time during the weekend to write up stuff and publish one per day. If you have a feature on your blog to schedule when a post gets published, like Blogger does, then you can actually set it and forget. So I plan on doing it that way, since there are times I actually have lots of ideas to work on anyway. The only thing I'd have to review would be the links. By the time I publish anything, I may need to check if the links are still up-to-date. Eventually, I will want to publish one article a day. That's my goal anyway. Wish me luck :-)

Thank You Blogger for Restoring My Blog!

I finally got my blog back, thanks to people at the Blogger Help Forums! I specifically wants to thank nitecruzr who guided me through the process of appealing the spam tag that my blog got.

I didn't know how bad spam in Blogger was until my blog was tagged as spam (read the FAQ here: FAQ: My Blog Is Locked As Spam). As a normal reaction I bawled and complained, rather badly. I did not know what to do. nitecruzr, one of the Blogger Help moderators, helped me through the process. It was a long process, and I had to do a lot of reading to understand why and how Blogger blogs are tagged as spam. I understand it better now, though I fear the false-positive might happen again.

But now that I have my blog back, it is all that matters.

Memories

Last night, I was up late as usual. I found myself looking at pictures trying to get an image that I could use for my desktop background. The current one was already about a month old. While browsing on pics, I found this picture we took about a month or two ago. This was where we bought our very first piece of property. It isn't much to look at but it represents something significant to me.

I got married seven years ago. About a year later we decided to start saving to buy a a piece of land we could call ours. It was a big decision, but make it we did. We were trying to make ends meet and we just had our first child. It was a risk to put our money in an investment that wasn't as liquid as cash in a bank. We managed to get enough to make a down payment and eked our way through the monthly payments. Difficult as it was, we made it. It was a significant achievement for me and my wife.

Four years ago, we were still renting an apartment. We didn't have any savings to build a house on the property because all our money was going to the monthly payments on the property. Luckily, we got a break. Long story short, we managed to borrow money to finish the 1st loan off and start payments on a 2nd property.

Three years ago, we moved in to our new home. This place is not so big, but it is ours. We have 6 years to go on the mortgage but we'll make it. If the way things have gone is any indication, we will make it. We have a great motivation to keep this home. This is where our 2nd child was born. This is where we have managed to build relationships with people who like us have been trying to find the perfect place to start building families. Incidentally, my wife is part of the organizing committee for this year's Halloween Trick-or-Treat. There are even more kids this year than last. My son really enjoyed dressing up last year. He had a great time. Seeing the smile on his face really makes for a great time. This year, maybe the little one could go with us. It feels good to live here.

As I scrolled over the thumbnails, I saw my life pass by in front of me (pun intended). There were many more events in between the ones I just shared, many pictures that told different stories. A lot of up's and down's. Many crying moments over a scrape on the knee, or images of the 1st blooms our orchids had. I saw a few of my son playing in the large sala of the old apartment. Pictures of us as we celebrated birthdays, anniversaries , christenings, weddings, fiestas, house blessings, holidays and what-have-you's.

As I went through them, I couldn't help but feel nostalgic, tired, proud and happy at the same time. We had come such a long way. We had a lot of help doing it . We had both good and bad, but we felt our family's love and support all the way. We have a happy life. And I will say that if I have learned anything in the past few years, happiness should really be spelled "Happyness" - without the "I" .

A few days ago I did a vanity search on my oldest handle, found by oldest blog and read my oldest posts. I read, and read, and read. Then I felt a pang of pain. What I wrote back then was purposeful prose. It had meaning. It had a style. It had flashes of brilliance, moments of idiocy and elegance in the choice of words. It wasn't the best, but it had a unique personality that begged the reader to read on. I felt bad because I no longer wrote that way. Come to think of it, I no longer blog that much. It felt bad to realize that I may have lost something special.

That thought has kept me awake the last 2 nights. I used to write thoughtful, purposeful prose. I used to rush to a computer when a sudden trail of thought hit me and an urge to write it down was eagerly gnawing at me. I turned to blogging because it was easier than writing it all in paper. It was also a lot more practical than Doogie Howser's diary because blogs published themselves. I turned to blogging because there was a community around it, fellow bloggers who either liked or disliked your work. Who either linked to you or criticized you. Who commented with their dissent or encouragement. Now I find the provoking ideas rare and few in between. I find the bloggers, whose blogs I used to blog-hop to, have moved on to twitter and facebook. I too have moved on to twitter and facebook. They are easier to use, require less time to maintain. I have too many things to do all at once. They suit my ever shortening attention span.

As I spend more time on twitter and facebook, I've lost something. I have lost the patience it takes to write a thoughtful, meaningful, purposeful post; something longer than 140 characters with words that provoke minds to subtle agreement or violent objection.

My words, I need them back. I must have them back. Every writer struggles to find the right words to best say what they feel, think and experience. I have lost my words and I want them back.

Comment Spam

It's amazing the amount of comment spam sites receive. I mean, you open yourself up to readers of your blog or site and you expose yourself to bots plying the web to check what forms they could post ads on. It's not comforting either that its so common to see one URL being posted over and over again by different spam bots. It just means that spammers are out to get us. Good thing I've got comment moderation turned on on my blog. Otherwise legit readers would be bothered by the sheer volume

Extra Shot, Please.

The last time I was in a Starbucks was over 2 years ago. I met up with my friend Lany. This was in the Starbucks in Hacienda Luisita, Tarlac City. So having half an hour to spare after going to the Smart Wireless Center over at SM City Clark, I swung by Starbucks to get a Grande. They recently opened shop there. After waiting for my turn, I impatiently ordered a Cafe Mocha with an extra shot of espresso. It cost more then I spend a week in fare. Well, not really. But that is what I spend in a week when I try to save a little on tricycle fare by walking to where the jeeps ply.

Anyway, I splurged but enjoyed it. I miss the smell of coffee being forced out by slow powerful jets of hot water. I miss the cozy environs of the modern coffee shop sofa and armchair. I miss the act of ordering a complicated combination of options and having the full attention of the barrista as you dictate your demands. I miss having my name called as my order is served. What i don't miss is the crowd of hyperactive wide-eyed pretentious college kids sitting on the outdoor tables, drinking their fraps, smoking their cigs, trying to look "cool" or so. So after I got my order, I walked leisurely around SM Clark, Grande in hand.

The Past Weeks Have Blurred Past

It seems that I keep going on a recurring cycle every now and then. I post sporadically often for a few weeks then suddenly go quiet.

Well, there's a reason. As most day jobs go, there are times that you really have to really work hard to get the results you want. It's been a busy 2 weeks for me, not because of added work, but because of tensions in the office.

Recently, our operations manager decided to give us extra tasks. We're now doing more QC (quality check) work on the work output that our agents do. Mostly its boring work, pulling long hours reviewing stuff. It's worthwhile work, though. We see where our guys could use some help or areas we could help them improve.

Then there's the part where you have to deal with people. We (collectively, me and my supervisors) have had to deal with really difficult people in the past month. A lot of fear mongering and whining has been going on and we can't really give them all the information we have. Speaking for myself, I come across a lot of information that explains why things are happening. But I am duty-bound not to disclose that to people who do not need to know. I can only share what I am allowed to speak about. Ironically, some of the higher up's are surprised that I sometimes get information earlier than they do. I have a secret weapon in my arsenal, and it's called Google-Fu ;-) Hehehe.

Anyway, tonight I'm staying home. My schedule got changed to 11 am instead of the night shift. I got a call yesterday morning from one of my supervisors asking if I could adjust my schedule to cover for another sup who was supposed to be working today. She filed for vacation time and was going to be out for the whole weekend. I said yes without hesitation. Tonight, before leaving the office, I talked to our shift manager and he told me he was in the office when my super called. He mentioned my super was all praises for me because I was always ready to take one for the team. That was in direct comparison to one other person in the team who always weaseled out of any schedule changes that didn't happen to suit his personal preferences. Hehehe - score one for me, yaay!

Now enough about work. I have been able to update my blogs here and there. Minor stuff, but it's coming along. Adding the Paypal Donate button on each of my blogs was the most major one. I also plan to do some more reviews for my tech blog. I haven't done those in a while and from the looks of my hits, it appears most of my Google clicks are coming from the last few reviews I did. I need to do some more of that. I'm actually lining up a mini-reviews of Puppy Linux, TinyMe 2008 and DreamLinux. And since I have old hardware that would make for interesting tinkering, I'm going to do a Part II of of my Vector Linux mini-review but focusing on how it will perform on a barely running Pentium II -266 MHz machine.

Now, to find time to do that...

Torn

It was a rough first day. Today was my wife's first day back at the office. My world was again jolted out of orbit because of the change in the schedules we had grown accustomed to in the last few months. I went to work, and she was there in the morning to welcome me home. This morning, she left early to get to work by 8am.

Sleep-deprived, I brought our son to the doctor this morning. He had been running a fever on and off since Saturday night. Doctor said he was having an episode of tonsillitis again. Weather was not helping at all. The heat was affecting him, but we had no choice but to make the commute to the hospital. We finally got home by 1:30 PM. His fever got worse. I had a hard time getting him to drink medicine. My baby girl wasn't in the mood either, she was crying whenever my mother (or I) put her back in her crib. As if in jest, she had no trouble sleeping whenever I rested her on my shoulder.

Two hours of sleep was all I managed. And I'm going to work tonight. This is going to be a long night. And tomorrow is going to be a long day. Sometimes, it seems I will never see the end of the week without trouble creeping up unexpectedly :-(

Sold the PC...Cheap

If you haven't seen me posting anything, there's a reason. Been trying to sell my PC for the past week or so. A buyer finally made and offer and I took it. She texted me a few days back and I remember feeling sad about it. I grow attached to things, really. Too much of that emotion thing going on. I proudly say that I build them (PCs) myself and they never break down. Now, I feel kind of odd that I'm selling a machine that I built for the satisfaction of it.

I used to always tell my wife that me building PCs is a "blood, sweat and a bucketful of tears" affair for me. I agonize over what parts to use and what functionalities to compromise for the sake of price. I do the research, I scour the shops, I haggle for the best prices, I take the parts home and roll up my sleeves. When building a machine, I am a reclusive hermit for at least half a day. I troubleshoot and test it the next day to ensure I have a stable machine. So to me that machine is a whole lot more than just the sum of its parts. It's time well-spent, learning and tinkering. It's me giving parts of myself. See, I told you I was too sentimental for my own good.

So lately, I've been setting it up over the last few days to her specifications and she'll be picking it up by Saturday. So, I'll be posting from internet cafe's for a while and Twittering from my mobile. See ya...

Did you hear about the hunger crisis?

Hi,

The world hunger crisis is all over the news this week. In just three years, the price of staple foods like wheat, corn and rice has almost doubled. If we don't do something soon, hundreds of thousands of people face starvation and a hundred million more could fall into extreme poverty.

I just took action with the ONE Campaign and you can too, here:

http://www.one.org/hungercrisis?rc=hctaf

Between a Rock and a Hard Place

"We are extending the said amount to you as a financial asistance. I cannot go beyound what was being given to you as an act of goodwill. Sir,please consider that the PSG escort vehicle sustained damages which would entail govt expenses. Hindi ka na nila hahabulin dito. Thus, I cannot in all sincerity bind the PSG to accept liability when we feel they are not at fault. The amount we have been extending to you is fair and reasonable." -

That was Atty. Noy Santiago replying to my appeal that they consider offering more than the Php15,000 they initially referred to as "assistance" for the Php45,000 worth of damages to the car. I don't know how to reply to this. :-(

Damages

Here's a pic of what happened to the car...