The days following the weekend, a bit of news had me happy and content. It had me hoping and dreaming. Then when the same news was not welcomed by someone very important to me, even labeled as a "problem", it irked me. Then after a few hours it depressed me. That was yesterday. I feel differently today, having mixed feelings of guilt, anger and frustration. At times we don't realize the impact our words have on others. We are callous to what words can create or destroy. For me, this time around, it brought my world crashing in.
I've been pre-occupied with these thoughts the past couple of days that I've been dreaming weird dreams. The other night, I couldn't concentrate in the audio book I was listening to. It was half past midnight. I was lying down, listening to Daemon. I was drifting in and out of sleep as the reader rambled on about the story. In between waking consciousness and drifting off I saw snatches of split-second images. Anatomical figures, much like pieces of those anatomy dolls showing the nature-engineered magnificence of the human body beneath the cover of skin floated in and out of my sight. An arm, the upper torso, a leg, the face and shoulders, all with muscles exposed. It went on too fast for me to even register fear in my subconscious dreaming stupor. In my waking moments, trying to remember what it was I dreamt about, I was surprised to find I wasn't afraid of the scenes that unfolded. It would have been logical to feel fear. Weirdly enough, I remember feeling calm all through out, like the strangeness of it all had stirred an oblivious detachment in me. I was, during the dream, without emotion. I was just a passive observer, free of pain, fear or worry.
Looking back at that dream, I cannot but feel a need to be detached.
No comments:
Post a Comment