Another Coño Story

Title says it all. LOL ! Read on....

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I was about to take a snooze inside a bus en route to our place when I chanced upon two coñitas seated in front of me.

"My God! Why can' t he move faster naman? We're running late na, you know."

"Kainis!" said one craning her neck to see why we were moving at snail's pace.

"I sooo agree with you. Primarily, the driver should make pot-pot to make madali that kotse ahead," replied the other who was able to think of a solution while eyeing her newly polished nails.

"Buti pa you. You can make kita the kotse na hadlang. Here, it's sooo bomalabs--gosh!" rejoined the other, her eyes moving heavenwards ala-Exorcist as she did.

"Basically, ganon na nga. This is sooo, you know, Third World, gosh!" agreed the other also in a fit of demon possession as her eyes rolled in the same direction. She then checked on her cellphone.

At this point, I wanted to "make hila" their hairs until their necks snap off or at least stick my finger up my throat and "make vomit" in front of them. But I "primarily" resisted the urge and chose to, "you know," just listen on.

"You know? I'm really inis with Derek. He has been ignoring me when we're together pero he keeps making parinig with Letty naman how much she likes me daw. Hay naku, he's so torpe!" began the other.

"Why? What happened ba? Make kwento naman," the intrigued other egged on.

"Like...you know...like...it's like...you know..." began the first.

"Yeah, I understand...you're so kawawa, you know," the other empathized without realizing why. They must be true friends.

Still, I had to scratch my head and start looking for a bomb I could throw at them. Unfortunately, there was none "naman."

"So what's the kwento nga? Make me intindi naman," urged the other after realizing that no information was given.

"Wag na lang kasi it's just tungkol about stuffs and things," hedged the other, suddenly turning secretive.

"Ayan, you're making tago na important things to me, ha?!" said the other feeling slightly, er, slighted. "Alam mo you're always like that, hmph!"

"Like what?"

"'Like that, hmph! Akala ko pa naman we're close."

Silence.

"Uuuyyy, friend," the other said embracing her friend. "Don't make tampo na. It's just that medyo shy ako to give you the details coz you might think I'm sooo mababaw and all about my love affairs. Sheeet naman kasi talaga si Derek!"

"So make kwento, hmph" the other said just a tad colder.

"It's like this, see? The other night we were at this bar and...uhmm... we were seated together ganyan," the girl told while demonstrating with her hands where she and her crush were seated.

"Talaga! O, tapos?" the other girl said incredulously as if the seating position was an important clue in an unsolved mystery.

"It's true!" trilled the other warming up to her tale. "Then, all our officemates left us kasi they wanted to give us time daw to get to know each other daw. They said, 'Alis muna kami so you two can have time together.' Tapos they went, 'Uuuyyyy!!!'"

"Yikes, grabe! Major dyahe, hihihi!"

"Major kilig kamo, hihihi!"

However, their chitchat was cut short when the conductor approached them.

"Bayad na ba kayo?"

"Opo, manong," they chorused.

"Opo?" "Manong?" But they were about as old as the conductor-Duh!

"Anyway, go on, hihi," came the follow-up as soon as "manong" was no longer within earshot.

"Ay, oo nga, hihi...I'm so kikay na ba?"

"Hindi naman...you're just being totoo to yourself!"

Duh!

"Ok, here it goes: So nandun lang kami sa mesa, right? Tapos I was, like, looking so naïve and all, right? Just making tusok-tusok the sisig and all but not really eating. Syempre para hindi obvious that I was gutom and all, di ba? Kaso-and this is so annoying-he wasn't talking! We were, like, tuods for more than five minutes straight, I swear!"

"Yeah, I believe you, girl. Tapos?"

"Tapos the reason pala why he wasn't talking-and Letty told me this after, ha?-was because asiwa daw siya to tell me that my-Oh my God! This is so kahiya, huhuhu" the girl exclaimed suddenly and then pretended to cry.

"What? Oh my God! What?!?"
"Bukas pala my blouse and my bra was showing, huhuhu" came the punch line
accompanied with mock tears.

"Hahaha! Oh my God, that is sooo kahiya, I swear! Pero teka, girl, hindi mo ba talaga sinadya? Fess up!"

"No, no? I mean, gosh naman, kahit he's so cute and all, hindi ako kikay, hello?" the girl rebutted a little offended.

"Ay, oo naman, yeah, I agree. Yikes, kawawa ka nga naman."

"Well, ganyan talaga my life, it's so full of pighati and all," the girl said milking the situation.

"Oo nga. Anyway, we have to-Eekk!!!" the other girl screamed suddenly.

"Why?!? Oh my God! Why?!?" came the trembling query.

"Look at that ipis, it's so big!"

"Yikes, oo nga...and..and..and it's heading this way! Eeekkkk!!!"

Panicked by the screams, everyone was roused. The conductor quickly came to see what the matter was.

"Manong, there's an ipis in your PUB!"

"Ha? Ano'ng PUB?" the bewildered conductor queried.

"Bus daw," I enlightened flatly.

"Yes, c'mon-make apak-apak it naman before it makes gapang-gapang to us and...and... spread germs," said the other coñita in a terrified tone.

I stood up and promptly squashed the insect with a single aim.

"Manong, be gentle naman. It's still a living thing kasi, eh," they told me.

I looked at them purposefully then squashed the "ipis" some more until it's yellow bile showed.

"Eeewww!!!" the girl's squirmed, their faces distorted in an unrecognizable form.

I kicked the roach under their seats.

"Aaaiiyyeehhh!!!" they both screamed and hugged each other.

"Ay, sorry," I said in a tone that signified the opposite.

"Girl, let's go down na nga, hmph! Kasi, like, andaming jologs dito, hmph!" the other said looking miffed. " O, fix you're blouse, ha? Baka you make paboso na naman to everyone."

"Oo nga, hmph! Like, Tara!"

Like, good riddance.