Crossing from Shadow to Shadow

It was hot. Like in previous years, it was growing increasingly hotter than the year that came before it. I woke up after dozing off on the sofa for about an hour and a half. I could not bring myself back to sleep. I woke up with lingering thoughts of what work I promised myself I'd do from home during the weekend. Maybe I dreamed of work, I'm not sure. But lingering thoughts they were. And they were nagging on me for a few more moments before I picked up my phone to send a text message to a friend, asking if I already missed a schedule at work.


It was one of those days again when insomnia hit me in the worst possible moment. Coming home from a long night at the office that was preceded by a sleepless day off, I was hungry for sleep. But it didn't come. The kids were asleep. They were having their afternoon nap. It was unusual, but all of them were napping. Most of the time, 1 would resist the urge to nap just to persist bothering me or the sibs. It was one of those 'pesky kids' kind of behavior that survived the millions of years of evolution and gene hand-me-downs that weeded out every bit of obnoxiousness save for the delight one got out of pestering someone else. Every kid goes through that stage at least once in their life.

I stood up to get a glass of water. A glass of cold water was such sweet relief in this weather that I was already anticipating feeling the coldness of it gushing down my gullet 10 seconds before I even drew the water out of the pitcher. It was then that I glanced at the immediate world outside my abode. There on the street was a kid riding his bike. Back and forth he went. I couldn't understand how someone, even a kid, who in his right mind would ride a bike in the punishingly hot afternoon sun. Then I realized. He was riding close enough to the side of the street where the row of houses were casting their shadows. He was crossing from shadow to shadow. It was one of those light bulb moments I guess. If you want something bad enough, you'll find a way to do it. And necessity is the mother of all innovation.


Most days these days, I feel I'm drudging myself forward from day to day. I'm not miserable. More like depressed. Like I am crossing from shadow to shadow. A shadow in daylight is however very different from one in the night. During the day, shadows are an advantage. They draw a shade against the unforgiving sun. So I guess a change of perspective is in order. However tired or sleepy or depressed I am, I need to look at things like I was standing in the shade on a hot, humid afternoon. I much better cope with the cold better than the heat, so any shade is a welcome thing to me.

Sitting down with mug in hand, I looked at my children and realized. My 2nd kid just started Kindergarten this summer. She's already discovering there are people who are more interesting than Dad or Mom. It won't be long before all my kids grow up and they'd have an indefatigable want to explore the world around them like that kid on the street. It won't be long before they find ways to do what they want to do and get away with it. It won't be long before their mettle at making excuses will be tested. And then they will test their way to through my limits and they will wake to strike out on their own out there in the wider world beyond the borders of my embracing arms. All it takes is a few more summers. I kissed them on the forehead while they napped. I might wake up one day a summer too late.