Hellish

It's been a crappy 3 weeks. I've been busting my ass in overtime trying to earn more for a little project of mine. See I want to save up for this investment thing the wife and I wanted to go into. I want to save up but not affect our current income, so overtime is a viable solution. It's about time we started thinking about investments too. Even with a small amount would make a difference. I keep seeing stuff happen to friends and its made me ask myself hard questions.

Recently, I was informed that a fraternity brod of mine was already dying. He's currently undergoing dialysis three times a week. Chances are bleak. He's in his late 20's and will leave behind a widow and child in the wake of his death. This news comes a year after another friend of mine died from a sudden heart attack. He was 32, wife and three kids still mourning.

Another brod (and a very close friend at that) recently seperated with his wife of 23 years. During college, I used to take care of his then 3-year old daughter when I visited them. I even babysat whenever he would have meetings with the big honchos of the Leftist mass movement back in the day. Two weeks after hearing the news, I'm still dumbfounded how this could happen.

These events have made me ask difficult, often avoided questions. Like, will I live long enough to see my kid(s) finish college and have families? Or how financially secure will my family be if I suddenly kick the bucket? How long will i be able to keep my current job, and will I be able to keep it until I retire? Will my marriage stand the test of time. I mean, we are all hopeful but things have a way of screwing up. That's just how it is in real life.

These questions contribute to the already complicated life of this ordinary mortal. Having to ask them has been troubling. Very troubling. I'm already losing sleep. But still, I need to earn up to get that investment started. I'm feling depressed again...