Buwan, buwan...

Kanina, tulad din kagabi, binati ako ng buwan. May kakaibang kapayapaan ang panglaw ng liwanag ng galing sa kanya. Tila sinasabing, "Naririto lamang ako, nakatanaw at nakabantay -- isang saksi sa inog ng mundo mo." Iniisip ko tuloy, mabuti pa ang buwan at mapayapa siya bawat gabi. May katiyakan ang lahat sa kanya. Bawat gabi'y naririyan s'ya, saksi sa lahat. Pagputok ng liwanag mamamahinga na s'ya, hangang sa muling tawagin s'ya ng gabi.

Ang buhay natin, walang katiyakan. Kanya nga ba hindi natin makita ang kapayapaan. Kanya nga ba sa bawat araw na dumating ay para tayong balisa o kaya nama'y abalang-abala.

Diyan na muna kayo. Iinom muna ako ng tsaa. Para hindi ako antukin ngayong gabi. Lalo na akong nagnungulila sa malambot na unan kapag nalulungkot ako. Maibsan man lang ang antok, aabot na ako ng umaga.

Of Awakenings...

Life as a parent can sometimes be frustrating. You constantly have to watch your temper, your language adn your actions. You can't allow yourself to become a bad example to a growing child. You have to put up with the everyday stress of seeing the laundry pile up, or the dust building on you bookshelf and desk. You have to reconcile with the fact that the house is in a constant state of clutter and looks as if a tornado passes by everyday. You endure that everyday and you grow frustrated as each one passes.

Then a good day comes along. This morning, I woke up to a good day. It was nearing light and the soft blue of the morning sky gave a pale shadow on everything it shone upon. I was stirred awake by the sound of our son crying. It was one of those soft cries, signalling his hunger. It was either one of us stood up and mix the formula or risk him waking up too early and grumpy, and subsequently an early morning tantrum. My wife stood up to get feeding bottle. She unceremoniously gave it to our son and snuggled up close to me while holding the bottle. I put my free arm around my wife and we held hands. After feeding, our baby went back to sleep. Me and the wife said our sleepy "i love you's" and went back to sleep. It was a good start to a good day. God indeed created a wonderful world!

I finally found a computer shop that has all the parts I've been meaning to go to Manila for. They even have the items on sale.

Last Thursday, I received a check in the mail. It was from the HDMF (Home Dev't. Mutual Fund or Pag-Ibig Fund). It was for the mulit-purpose loan I applied for. Darn thing was only worth 6K, not enough to buy the parts that are on sale. The conflict lies in the fact that we're falling behind on our savings schedule. See we have this bank account we opened so we could save up for the twice a year premiums for my son's educational plan. If I keep the money from the loan in the bank, we'd be back on schedule again. Our next payment's due by the end of November. So I promised my wife I'd do that.

It's been 3 days since I said that. Now I'm having second thoughts about it. Six thou isn't going to buy much more than a decent ATX case, motherboard. But hey, its a start. If you've been following this blog for a long time, you'd know I've been obsessing about building a D-I-Y computer rig for some time now. The itch is getting worse, if you know what I mean.

My wife actually presented me with an even more difficult proposition yesterday. Her twin sister visited us yesterday. She's planning to buy a PC. My wife proposed that I could build it for her. Afraid of losing face, I agreed to it even though I have yet to actually build one. I mean, all the theories are in my head. I've been doing research on building a computer for the past year. But I have yet to build one!

Now I'm more confused than ever. Argh! Ideas, anyone???

Matters of the Heart

***Apologies to Tracy Chapman***

I had to go back and edit the last post that I wrote. It seemed to have a lot of typos and half-finished thoughts. Blame it on the long hours. I had traded my Tuesday night off with a Thursday off. I went to work Tuesday night, starting an hour earlier than usual. I switched scheds so I could attend this company-sponsored lecture on hypertension scheduled at 5 am the next day.

I did attend, and I learned a lot. Although our office population was in the 25-35 age bracket, a sizeable number of that population were actually pre-hypertensive or already hypertensive. I was an identified employee. I was overweight and had previously complained of dizziness and high blood pressure while on duty. Blame in on the sedentary lifestyle. I work eight-hour shifts sitting down. I only get up when I need to go to the men's room or the cafeteria. The last two sentences just said it all. So I decided to go. The lecture wasn't as boring as I had anticipated. There was a short spiel delivered by the company doc. It was the basic "our stats vis-a-vis the national average" presentation. That got my attention. After that, we watched a video from the Philippine Heart Association. Watching that made me glad I quit smoking. Well, almost. I need to renew my commitment not to smoke -- forever!

Anyway, after the lecture I blogged. After having used the better part of of my workday exercising my brain, my typing and concentration went out the window. It's a good thing I have my prefs set to email me any updates I make on the blog. That way I could read an entry the next day when I open my email.

Oh, and if you're wondering about the title, you should visit my wishlist to find out why I used it. You might want to make this heart of mine glad to have known you ;-)

Tag, you're it!

I've been putting off getting a new tagboard for a few weeks now. No, actually its been months since that darned thing conked out on me. Blame it on wishful thinking. I was wishing the darned thing would fix itself. It was like wishing the 50-peso hula from Madam Juli of Quiapo would come true. All wishes, nothign more. I finaly decided to Google (as always) for a new shoutbox and finally test-drive one.

Being both code-incompetent and lazy, I chose a hosted shoutbox. HTML, Java, PERL -- you name it, I can't understand it. But I do know copying and pasting, owing from years of using a word processor. I added the supplied code to my Blogger template a couple of days ago. I've already received a couple of tags from people using the same shoutbox. As always, I leave a complimentary tag on the blogger who tagged me. A lot of good people out there, I tell 'ya. Makes me feel I do some good writing entries. At least you read it :-))

If you want to meet a couple, check out Jey's and Willa's blogs . Both are pink, surprisingly. Jey's blog is much like mine -- a mixture of real-life events and food. She's new to Blogger, I can tell. Her archives are grouped by weeks. Ah, I remember fondly those times when I too had my archives grouped by weeks. At first I blogged once a week, then every couple of days. Then it became daily, then four times a day. After that, my desire to blog has waned and ebbed like the rising and the falling of the tides. On days, I would write several entries. At times, I wouldn't be in a writing mood and leave my blog "entry-less" for a few days or even weeks.

Reminds me! In two months, I'll be celebrating this blog's 2nd anniversary! Whoooo-hoooo! Going back to Jey, I really like her blog. While typing this entry, I was suddenly overcome with a sense of dejavu while typing her name. Weird, huh? At least, she was good enough to link to me. Thanks Jey!

If you decide to visit Willa's blog , watch out for the letters and numbers that constantly follow your mouse pointer - LOL. Anyway, she's a bloggin' mommy from Miami as far as I can tell. I hope she likes my entries. I'm wary of mommies simply because some of my entries are not kind at all. I'm mean, I know. You regular readers would know that by now. Hmmmm....This introspection has got me going "ohm". I must tell myself, "strive to be a less grumpier daysleeper."

In the end, I'm glad to finally have a tagboard working again. I get the chance to meet the people who read my blog, even if randomly so. What good is blogging if you don't get in touch with people, eh?

Brothers

Since last night, I started receiving text greetings. It's our fraternity's anniversary today. As always, the anniv is the one holiday everyone should remember. I got a whack for that date. How can I forget? LOL.

Aside from the whack of the venerable paddle, a lot of memorable events marred (for lack of a subtler word-LOL) my frat life. I learned to lead people (somewhat). I learned to take pride in who and what I was. I struggled with speaking in public and excelled in leading study groups on nationalism. I developed my writing through the support of a sis, who happened to be the editor in chief of the school paper (I love ya Tic-Tac!). I did a lot of stupid and fun stuff too. But that's all for my brods to know.

Memories aside, frat life made college life fun and purpose-filled. I still swell with pride everytime I shake the hand of a brod or sis. Being a frat man taught me the value of tradition and the immeasurable value of loyalty (above all virtues). I will always be a frat man because being one gave me the chance to receive something valuable - lasting friendships that spanned generations of brods. Young or old, we all share a bond unlike any other. We're bound as brothers, not by blood, but by principle.

Smart Wap Mail - Guilt Trippin'

If guilt were wine, you could say I've been drunk for the most part of the past week. You could even say wasted,I dare say. I have too much to say and no one to say it to. I feel there's no one who could appreciate how I truly feel. Depression sets in like a comfort blanket. For two days now, I've had nothing to blame for it, yet it persists. Damn, I feel helpless. Should I just wait for the ultimate end? Or should I hasten its arrival?

Tired Eyes

If there was a cliche that I find more ironic than any other it would be the adage, "Once a _____, always a _____ (supply with your choice of adjective)." My choice of adjective would be addict. For a few months there I thought I had my own addiction under control. But lately, I've been experiencing a relapse. For the last 30 days, I smoked a cig on three occasions. I feel the compulsion growing.

After smoking a cig earlier, I went to the men's room to rid myself of the stench, akin to a common criminal trying to get rid of any evidence of a crime committed. Even after I washed my face twice with soap and water, the stench persisted. It was nauseating. While patting my face dry with paper towels, a tired face stared back at me from the mirror. Sullen eyes did nothing to hide what I was feeling. I was tired of this. Tired of the same addiction coming back to haunt me again and again.

It could be worse, though. The last time I visited to Tarlac, I was warned by frat brod that I shouldn't meet with this other friend of ours. It seems that he's being watched by local law enforcement. He's apparently into his old destructive habits again. He got hooked on shabu a few years back. We were relieved when he got married two years ago. His drug problem seemed to have disappeared when his son was born. But lately, he's been scorned by his own family. I was told they drew the line when he chased after his youngest sibling with gun in hand. An argument about drugs had turned bad, they told me.

While I was looking at my reflection in the mirror, I became more depressed. Was I doomed to the same fate? Will I ever be rid of this curse? I felt sorry for him. I truly did. As sorry as I felt for myself.

My Bad...

I forgot that some of my previous posts were put on draft!!!

You may now read the stale tales that I forgot to publish. Darn!