Ang kabiguan ay nakapanlulumo. 'Yan ang dahilan kung bakit sa una'y ayaw mong aminin ang katotohanan. Sa una'y pilit mong lalakasan ang loob mo. Kukumbinsihin mo na kahit gaano pa kahirap ang sinusuong mo'y may pag-asa. Pipilitin mo. Pipigain mo ang lahat ng natitirang pag-asa, hanggang sa mapagod ka at manlumo. Duon na unti-unting babalot sa iyo ang mapait na katotohan -- ang kabiguan ay nalalapit na. Pilit mong lalabanan ang mga luhang ngayo'y nag-uumpisang mamuo. Tila bang apoy ang bawat patak na pilit naghuhulagpos sa iyong mga mata.

Sa gitna ng magulong takbo ng isip mo'y biglang maaalala mo ang maliit na swiss knife sa bulsa mo. Pagdaka'y mararamdaman mo ang kamay mong unti-unting hinahaplos ang kinaroroonan nito. Bagama't naroroon ang pag-aalinlangan, kukunin mo ito ang illuwal mo ang pinakamalaking patalim nito. Pagdaka'y ilalapat mo ito. Doon, tila lalakas uli ang iyong pag-aalinlangan. Isang buntun-hininga ang pakakawalan mo, huling hinga ng lakas ng loob. Pagkatapos ay ilalapat mo na ang patalim at ihihiwa mo iyon ng madiin papuntang kanan. Mapapangiwi ka at titingin sa nagawa mo. Sa pagkabigla mo ay mapapasigaw ka ng ......"Taena, ang dami pa palang laman nito, pwede pang hanggang tatlong sipilyo!"

You must be wondering where I've been off to. I've been reading a book by Bob Ong the last couple of days. "Bob who?", you might say. Bob Ong was one of those authors who must've had a hard time getting his material published in traditional media. He was talented, but he didn't get the backing of a publisher. So, he regularly published his material online through his website www.bobongpinoy.com. The internet was just starting to gain popularity back then and in due time bobongpinoy.com
developed a loyal following from equally-deprived writers, aspiring writers and wannabe writers (my circle of friends). I found his website a couple of years ago I've been a fan eversince.

When the site went bust, the laughs stopped. I wasn't aware he went into writing books. Well, last week an officemate brought a copy and I ask if I could borrow it for a few days. The book is aptly titled, "A B N K K B S N P L A Ko?! - Mga Kuwentong Chalk ni Bob Ong."

Its a great book! It talks about life as a student, life as a teacher and life teaching us a thing or two about living. Had a lot of laughs while I was reading it! I'm considering buying it as a gift for a couple of friends (one of whom I haven't seen or heard of in a few years). The book just brought back a lot of memories, good and bad. Drawing parallels with my own life was unavoidable. It was so well written that I could relate to most of what he was saying.

Anyway, buy the book from the nearest National Bookstore. It's only Php 150.00. Cheap, considering the laughs you'll get out of it. If you're based in North America, a fellow fan (of Bob Ong) sells his books. Check out BobOngBooks.com. They even have autographed copies (not available in the Philippines). You can also check the resurrected (kung pang-ilang resurrection na ne'to, eh hindi ko alam) bobongpinoy.com. There are times that the site won't be there, but check every once and a while and you'll get a few funny surprises.

It saddens me that seemingly witty, intelligent people can be so mean to others. Here's a case in point. If only they'd use their talent in more positive pursuits.

"Don't tell me to stop crying please just hold me while I do.
Soothe me with your silence and just cradle me to you.
Don't push me for my reasons or expect me to explain.
How can I in five minutes shift a lifetime's hidden pain?"
-- Girlfriend, Julia Fordham

Sometimes, words won't do...

"If I smile and don't believe
Soon I know I'll wake from this dream
Don't try to fix me I'm not broken
Hello I'm the lie living for you so you can hide
Don't cry"
- HELLO, as performed by Evanescence

Often, we turn to others when the pain we feel is overwhelming. We feel the need for comfort, so we turn to other people for that comfort. But it is more often that we fail to realize the comfort we yearn must first come within ourselves. That unless we learn to forgive ourselves we will never know true comfort. And that is truly more painful than any reality you will have to come to terms with.

"Don't fix me because I'm not broken," powerful words indeed.

I was supposed to go to the Project Gutenberg site to get a button to add to my blog. You see, I find it fascinating that for the past 32 years Project Gutenberg has managed to provide so many books to the public for free. Having their button on my site was my way of supporting them. I don't have a server to offer (they are looking for generous people to host mirrors of the PG site), so a button on my blog will have to do for now.

Well, I kind of mispelled the URL, so I was redirected to a search engine where I eventually clicked on the Project Steve Guttenberg site (spelled with 2 T's), thinking the URL may have changed since the last time I visited. It was a pleasant surprise to have a typo an discover something really cool.

Go to the site. It's about a blog publishing tool you can upload to your PHP-enabled server. That's all you need to run it. You won't need a MySQL database or anything else to run it. Just PHP. It's incredible that you can run a web-based blog publishing tool with just PHP. It's a low-memory solution to basic blog publishing. Nothing fancy in it except the way it optimizes your available bandwidth (that would be my guess, that is). Check it out!

I set-up a new design on my test blog. You can take a peek if you want. Go to daysleepered01.blogspot.com and see what I've gotten myself into.

Would you be willing to participate in something like this? Seems like its becoming the "IN" thing in Europe and America. I wonder when Pinoy's would start doing it too?

And while we on the subject (the Internet changing the way we live, that is), don't you think Net Slaves 2.0 would make an excellent gift to a someone who spent way too much time online. To a person like me, maybe? -- LOL.

Can you believe this? US politicians are taking cues from Pinoy politicos. The more, the merrier!

Sometimes, thoughts go through your head. You make mental notes, hoping your brain would bring them to the fore of your train of thought in some useful capacity one of these days. Well that very same thought, most often than not, escapes you when you need it most. It resurfaces in dreams or in those few moments before slumber takes you over. In those closing moments of your day your brain stumbles upon forgotten thoughts, jiggling the conscious and sub-conscious and putting them together like a freakish jigsaw puzzle, only to be tamed by sleep. And then you wake up to find that you've forgotten everything all over again, its only vestige an almost lingering whisper that you try to catch but never do. You find yourself aboard a jeep, staring onto the teeming streets, but your mind is somewhere else. It is in some distant otherwordly place, away from the noise and turmoil. The vicious cycle repeats.

Sorry, I forgot what I was supposed to blog about.

Whew! I'm done. Check it out! I need to tweak it some more, but that can wait till tomorrow.

I'm using Mozilla as I type here. I just discovered that my blog's current Glish template (one of the ready-made Blogger kinds) doesn't display correctly on Mozilla. I will have to use the new design that I downloaded from MizGraphics. It's not actually ready yet, but i'm going to use so Mozilla users can view me blog.

And why am I obsessesing about it? Because Mozilla is a great product! Love that tabbed browsing! I would love to see the day IE will be unseated from its throne as the browser of choice for many. That would be the day! In the meantime, I must support all the brave souls that use Mozilla by making my blog viewable. Sound fair?

This morning, I listened to Jewel's This Way album with a heavy heart. Jewel's one of my favorite singers. However, her new album 0304 is quite disappointing for loyal fans. I came to listen to Jewel precisely because she was unique from the rest of the popdom. Her singing was soulful, her odes heartfelt, her music melodramtic. I appreciate the fact that she's exploring her musicality in 0304. That just means her creativity is yearning for more. But I think she went a little overboard on this one. She will gain new fans, no doubt. But will the old fans stay with her?

I'll probably still buy 0304. I'm a fan afterall. But right now, it isn't high in my priority list.

We sometimes take for granted how blessed we are as a species. We often view the functions of the human body as trivial. We don't give much thought to skills such as reading and walking. We don't appreciate that our hands can pick up something as delicate as an egg or handle something as heavy as a sledgehammer. It is when we cannot do all of these (or when we lose control over one faculty) that we feel a debilitating sense of disability.

Be thankful then that you are sitting there reading what I write. At least appreciate the fact that you can type an email to me if you disagree. You have the freedom to do what you want to, without a disability hampering you.

Check out Tech TV's review of the latest MiniDisc Player (NetMD)that Sony is marketing as an affordable alternative to Apple's iPod. Since I virtually have no chance of owning an iPod, I would'nt mind getting one of these babies for Christmas -- LOL.

I was on my way to the office to meet up my wife. It had been sunny on and off the whole day and I was guessing it would rain by late afternoon.

During the jeepney ride, I noticed the mountains to the west. Marratt Highway, the Clarkfield road leading to Mabalacat, goes through a lot of flat terrain. Travelling up Marratt gave you a great view of Pampanga's western mountains. Though it was sunny where I was, I could see rain clouds caressing the mountain tops. It was refreshing to see that. I like rain. It makes me feel good.